So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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