Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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