We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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