my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
