I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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