did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
