Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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