how can u be prego again
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
