Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you had me at cake vodka
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
