I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
