if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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