you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
