Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
