Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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