Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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