I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
