Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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