I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
