do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
