you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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