she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
