Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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