I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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