I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
