Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
