her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
