I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
