I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
