ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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