guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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