Duck Duck Cougar?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
