so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
