I showed him my bush... on skype.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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