It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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