i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
