I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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