yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
