she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
