I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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