if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He shit in the fireplace
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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