I'm jealous of your bromance
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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