What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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