Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
