All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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