she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm bleeding and have questions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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