Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
