I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
