Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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