Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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