You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
