True but thats because hes a fetus.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
