on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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