This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
